I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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