we have pet lesbian snakes
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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