there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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