totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize