1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
