i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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