what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
