wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
