so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
