I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
