i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
