Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
