her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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