If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
operation harelip BJ is a go
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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