So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
