Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
