Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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