Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we should paint friendship bongs
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