i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize