literally had 100 drinks last night.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
