i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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