I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
