idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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