Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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