Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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