i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
