the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
