Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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