I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
