I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
