did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
