90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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