His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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