I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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