dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
