do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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