I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize