you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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