my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
