Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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