love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
