i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
