I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
