Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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