My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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