you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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