i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
