i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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