i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
