He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
