she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize