My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
