Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize