1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
