Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
