Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
