that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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