It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
