oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
