Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
