My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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