i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
