Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
