That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize