Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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