is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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