I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
