I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
