my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
