Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
