Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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