why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
