Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
