just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
