i jhust puked up my retainher.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
