She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We're too hungover to prance.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize