So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
