Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
