The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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