maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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