..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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