if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
