Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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