Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
