just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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