took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
