nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
