Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My penis needs a shock collar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
