I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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