His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
