im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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