dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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