Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize