She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
