After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
