my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
