So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize