what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
