I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
