Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
