A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
