I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
