I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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