It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
