need another drink. this is the easiest way
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
