I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to make out with him forever
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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