It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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