I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
