I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
