we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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