i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize