What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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