he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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