Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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