At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
