1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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