Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
